Lucy Goosey's Legacy

On Monday, May 4, 2009 our family dog, Lucy Goosey, died unexpectedly. The experience was beyond gut-wrenching. One of the hardest things for me to do was to pick up my kids from school, knowing that when we got home, the news would break their hearts. It was a warm day, sunny and clear. The kids came out of class with hope of dinner out and possibly ice cream for dessert (cotton candy for Audrey and peanut butter perfection for Dakota). I smiled, hugged them and said "What a wonderful idea. We will do that. Hey, and guess what, Dad didn't have to go on his business trip after all." They ignited into more furious giggles and the jumps in anticipation of our surprise night with Dad and all the trimmings. Now looking back, I'm not sure if I should've made them SO happy before releasing the final blow. I had no energy to argue or explain anything; I just wanted them home and in my arms.

After asking the kids to sit down on the couch for a "quick talk" before moving on with our evening plans, Dakota guessed it right away: "Someone died. Who? Mom, who? Was it one of the kitties?" All I had to say was "No, honey," and he immediately began his guttural screams and cries "Not, Lucy Mom. Oh, no, NOT LUCY. I didn't even get to say goodbye!" Audrey was her typical peaceful self, with a couple of tiny, hot tears rolling down her cheeks, she just wanted to know when we would get another dog. After a couple of hours of calming Dakota and placating Audrey, we did make our night out. Before we left, I took Lucy's two collars and the kids wore them around their wrists. This particulary comforted Dakota as he could still smell Lucy's fresh-rom-the-groomer scent. Over dinner we toasted to Lucy and talked about what a great dog she was and shared our favorite stories. Ice cream brought more tears so we snuggled when we got home and I let the kids sleep with me.

We had Lucy cremated and I somehow had to figure out how to thoughtfully explain this to the children without delving into the gory details. I simply said that Dr. Simpson (our vet) was turning her body into ashes so we could bury her in our yard. We do have a lot of wild creatures in our wooded land, so I continued to explain that we didn't want the other animals to dig her up. I also noted that if we ever moved, we would be able to dig the box up and take Lucy with us. They were satisfied with that idea and wanted to see her ashes when they arrived a week later. Oh, the things we do for our children! That was the first cremated anything I've ever seen, coming from a history of grave side burials. The box was heavier than I expected and the ashes were more gravel-like than soft like out of the fireplace. I wouldn't let them feel them. I just couldn't go there.

Each of us wrote Lucy a note and put it in the box with her. I couldn't fathom putting the box right in the ground (I don't know why) so I got out our handy, dandy ZipLoc bags. I triple bagged the box (seemed like a good idea at the time) and announced it was time for the burial. We had invited our two closest family friends over who really knew Lucy and had a relationship with her. My husband dug the hole under Lucy's favorite bush, I placed Lucy's box in the hole and then the 8 kids present took turns putting dirt on her. I asked them to say something nice about her when they did and in unison they began all covering her and spouting phases such as: "You were a good dog, Lucy," "Best dog of a life time." "We love you Lucy." "We will never forget you Lucy." Dakota and Audrey, with a little help from their friends, placed the stones they had made for her the week before on top of where we buried her. We all held hands in a circle and prayed. My parents were there so I had Mom pray. I couldn't possibly speak at that moment.

I was sad a few days afterwards. In fact, I get sad every once in a while for her. The grieving process is slow and steady. During the week after it happened, I would go to the door to let Lucy in and I could have sworn twice that I heard her barking and once that I saw her. One particularly sad time Audrey came to me and said, "Mom, don't be sad. Lucy is in your heart forever." (except it was actually cuter because Audrey still has speech issues: "Mom, don't be sad. Woosy is in yo hawd foevah.") Audrey believes that Lucy is now one of her Garden Fairies (an Audi-ism for Guardian Angel) and she talks to Lucy freely as if she is right there. She decided that Lucy is playing with our old cats, Hunter Boogyman and Chewy, in some beautiful place in Heaven for beloved pets. She showed me the faith of a child in its purist form and now I smile when I see Lucy's grave, knowing that she is still with me but instead of chasig turkeys, she is chasing clouds and instead of scaring away squirrels, she is scaring away nightmares. We love you, Lucy Goosey. You are the best dog of a lifetime.

Pure Pleasures

I went grocery shopping today. It is one of those necessary evils like getting a pap smear, doing laundry or cleaning up vomit. The new Nickelback song If Today was Your Last Day came on the radio and one of the first lines said: "each day's a gift, not a given right...." The synopsis of the song is that you should live your daily life as if it were your last in all that you do. This line really hit home with me; you are given the gift of another day each time you wake up in the morning. What are you going to do with it? I realized that it isn't just all the good things you should be doing with your life but also the good things you should be doing for yourself; those little things that bring a bit of joy. Driving down Route 2, I started making a mental list of what my pure pleasures are: uncomplicated things I can either do for myself or simply savor to make a bad day better or a great day fantastic.

1. Brioche roll with butter, sharp cheddar, & hard peppered salami
2. Hot day & the perfect sundress
3. Freshly manicured toes & hands
4. Clean sheet night
5. The first scoop of peanut butter out of a new jar
6. Hot bath before bed
7. Dark chocolate truffle
8. Margarita, rocks, salt
9. Cool, dark room; heavy blanket
10. Blasting Tom Petty on iPod

You wanna hear the song? Click here to listen & read lyrics: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3gAgIMuRs4&feature=related

Spring Clean Your Soul: The Art of Apologizing

Easter is a time for renewal of the world around us. Even in the ch-ch-chilly days of East Coast living, you see tiny crocus and other buds stretching, reaching for the warmth of the sun trying to add some color to our otherwise gray Spring. Growing up in Texas with luscious green grass and colorful bluebonnets in March, I didn't really appreciate springtime until I lived in Rhode Island where we don't see a Spring day until Summer. It is also a time for the proverbial "spring cleaning"...my fingers start itching to dig out my kids closets and organize my junk drawer. The landscapers come and scoop away all the sand from the thawed roads and rake up broken branches and wayward leaves. With all this spiffing up around us, I think it is also a great opportunity to spring clean out our souls. A great place to start is by clearing up any unfinished business you have with anyone in your life. Maybe you owe someone an apology?

Saying "I'm sorry" comes easy to some people. The words spill from their mouths effortlessly like water from a fountain. They apologize for everything and anything as if they are sorry for breathing your same air. Most of the time it doesn't make any sense when they mumble: "sorry". This type of apology is mindless, souless and useless; it is almost a habit.

In the same vein as this, but definitely a step up, there is the basic apology that is easy to do and to say and usually occurs the second we bump someone, interrupt them or cause some sort of minuscule infraction. The majority of us are able to accept and apologize sincerely and succinctly. Children, on the other hand, tend to see life in black-and-white. I've been trying to teach my children that it is necessary to say "I'm Sorry" even when you accidentally hurt someone. My son will unintentionally step on my foot. After the pain subsides and I am able to speak, I will ask him to make amends to me. His tearful argument is: "I didn't MEAN to do it, so I shouldn't have to apologize." At this point, I pull out my dusty mind file on Newton's Third Law of Physics: For every action, there is an equal reaction (or consequence). Sometimes even mindless accidents cause consequences that require tending.

The most difficult part of apologizing is to fully understand and take ownership in your own wrong doings. Many people tend to make excuses and justify the reasons for their actions: "It is OK I said that because I was tired, or drunk, or pissed off." I call this the "but apology": "I am so sorry for hurting your feelings, but.....blah, blah,blah..." For me, excuses tend to negate the whole apology and make it untrustworthy; it says that "this might happen again given the same circumstance." As a recipient, I might accept the apology BUT it would be very difficult for me to trust that person again.

I don't think you should even try to make reparations until you sincerely accept responsibility for your actions and are willing to humble yourself. If you truly aren't sorry and you don't care what happens with your relationship and you can move onward in life with a peaceful soul, then don't say a word. It would be a lie. But, if you want another chance and wish to clean up your soul of unrest, here is the best way (I think) to do it:

• Make sure you apologize as close to the offense as possible. It may be right away. It may be after a day or so if you had a heated argument and things need to cool down. Screaming "I'm sorry" with clenched fist and spit flying from your angry mouth doesn't count. If it has been a while since the offense, just know that it is never too late to start healing an old wound. Hearts have amazing healing powers when feed a lot of TLC.
• Try if at all possible to TALK to your offended party. In my experience, emailing, texting, or any other electronic messaging is the worst way to say "I'm sorry." Words are read with a different voice than your own and can be taken out of context and misconstrued.
• Once you are ready to talk, say simply that you are sorry for the specific offense. Speak in first person and NEVER apologize for the other person's feeling. "I'm sorry you feel that way" is NOT an apology: they are just more fighting words, if you ask me. You may want to validate their reaction, let them know how you feel about them and possibly offer an explanation and plan for the future. An explanation IS NOT an excuse. For example: "I am so sorry that I hurt your feelings so badly. That is the last thing I want to do. Your friendship means the world to me. I was angry with my boss and I took it out on you. In the future, I will try to communicate more so you know what is going on and I won't treat you unjustly again. Please forgive me."
• Sometimes apologizing opens up a space to talk about what happened. Again, the best thing to do is to focus on your actions and reactions. Don't preach and teach by telling the other person how they should've felt or what they should've done. Don't dig up things that happened in the past that have nothing to do with the issue at hand. The focus should be on the current wrong doing and the recipient. Simply stick to your apology, be understanding if they still need some time to think, and be patient as their wounds heal.
• Once it is over and all is forgiven, it is now time to move forward. Don't continually apologize: you've already done that. Don't keep asking if the person is still mad at you: that makes you seem impatient and selfish. The faster you move back towards normalcy, the better. Just take into account that this normalcy is different than the normalcy before the infraction: you've learned more about yourself and you've made promises to change and keep tabs on your future actions.

Sew What?!?! Making Skinny Jeans that Fit

Thunder Thighs. Bubble Butt. I've been called them all. And I've felt like them all. When asked what the least favorite part of my body, it is very easy to answer: my thighs. I can live happily with my voluminous backside ass-set, but I have to say that I am pea-green with envy of anyone who has thin, willowy thighs. Ahhhhhh......I can't tell you how excited I was back in the day when "relaxed jeans" surfaced. I finally had a jean that I could fit my thighs into! Thing is, they weren't "relaxed" on me...they were fitted. But, at least they fit. Up until then, I was buying boys jeans because they had a larger thigh circumference than girls'.

So, imagine the lump in my throat when I saw that "skinny jeans" were in style. Yes, you are right. I could just skip it and not do the skinny jean thing. But, I enjoy fashion. I enjoy trying new looks and mixing and matching items. But, I really don't enjoy pants. Especially skinny pants. Truth be told, bottom line (accept the pun), I couldn't fit into any of the designer "skinny jeans" no matter how many sizes I went up.

Instead of giving up and resigning myself to "mom" jeans, I decided to get crafty. Notice the sewing machine picture above. It actually belongs to my son. Yes, that's right, son. I bought it for him for $89 and taught him how to sew a nice, even straight stitch. He has made a couple of blankets and pillows. Once you can do that, you can really sew just about anything.

So, I went to my "FAVORITE" store, Target, and purchased a pair of dark washed Mossimo boot cut jeans: specifically Mossimo Preminum Denium Low Rise, Bootcut jeans. They are awesome! They are very stretchy and very comfortable. The best part, they only cost around $14 (On sale. They are regularly , brace yourself, $27.99! I took them home and I made my own skinny jeans. So for all those girls with luscious thighs and juicy bums, here is how you do it:

First of all, put your jeans on wrong side out. Note that you should be really careful putting the jeans on; I majorly scratched my thigh on the zipper. Once you get them on, grab some pins (or grab a friend with a bottle of wine & a hand full of pins) and pin the pants to the fit you like. For the record, I started around my knee area and continued all the way down. But, this will vary with the size and shape of your legs. I have relatively chunky knees.

Next you are going to sew down the leg, following the pins . Sew slowly and take them out as you go. After you finish both legs, try on the pants the right way and make sure they fit. If they don't (heaven forbid) take them off, take out the seam, and pin and sew them again. Honestly, chances are, they are just fine. Once you have the fit the way that you want them (hooray) you will want to do a zig-zag stitch along the straight stitch on the outside. This will reinforce your seam and prevent fraying. Next, you will clip along the zig-zag stitch with a good pair of scissors.

Hey, so now you are done! Break out the champagne!! (Preferably Veuve Clicquot). Turn them right-side-out and try them one. They should fit perfectly and you should be so happy that even though you have junk in the trunk, you are a yummy mummy in your new skinny jeans. Grab a fun top and a pair of high heels. Run, do not walk, to you local bar for a perfect martini of choice. By making your own jeans, you've probably saved yourself around $200! You can sashay in your skinny jeans feeling not only cool, but oh, so comfortable and thrifty. Cheers!

Ten Things I Learned in Vegas

1. Italian men like to wear pink.



2. People born in 1987 (the year I graduated high school) are able to gamble and drink.



3. You can easily lose $200 in a matter of minutes, especially if you are using colorful plastic circles as currency.



4. Chocolate Amaretto Gelato tastes best at midnight.



5. Drink containers large enough to require a strap to carry them actually exist. Seriously.



6. Everyone should have a button next to their bed that automatically opens and closes the window shade.



7. There is no reason to spend $25 a day to work out in the hotel gym. Take a walk, man!



8. Lots of people like to stand in really, really long lines for all-you-can-eat buffets. Not me.



9. You can actually get blisters on the bottom of your feet from walking too much.



10. Everything that happens in Vegas definitely doesn't stay in Vegas. Talk to my thighs!