Living a Mindful Life Lesson 11: 4:44

Since I can remember, I see or notice the number 444. Sometimes it is on a digital clock in the morning or afternoon. Sometimes it is on a license plate, phone number or house. Maybe its on a dinner bill or coat check receipt. Many times I’ve woken up several days in a row right at 4:44 a.m. I thought maybe it just had something to do with my sleep cycle, but truly, I’ve often wondered at what it all meant. I went through a negative phase where I thought it meant some sort of danger or warning---like I was going to die on April, 4, 2004. (Obviously didn’t happen). Then I thought that maybe it was something good: Maybe I would win the lottery on April,4, 2004! Nope.

So before writing this blog today, I decided to do a bit of research on the number 444. I actually GOOGLED 444 to see what came up and all this numerology stuff appeared. I never thought of looking into that direction before.

The funny part is that I got a wide range of “reasons” for frequently viewing the number 444. One came from a scary sounding website called www.ridingthebeast.com. The website gave several meanings to the number but essentially it equated the 444 with God and Jesus or the first divine woman. It also states that the word “queen” is used 444 in the Bible and the female demon Lilith is a symbol for that number. Very contradictory reasons, if you ask me. You can go there to check it out.

Another website, http://www.spiritual-path.com/numerology.htm states that the number 444 is a “sign from your spirit guides (angels) signifies their disagreement with your thoughts and feelings and can be interpreted as a Cosmic ‘No!’ to a question you have asked or ideas you might have.” So I guess when I wake up at 4:44 a.m. and think “should I get up now and work out?” The cosmic answer is “No”? I’ll definitely keep that one in mind and go back to sleep instead!

A third website I checked out states that the number 444 “is a number of healing and great blessings. (http://www.sun-angel.com/numerology/faq_misc.php). Ahhhh, I like that interpretation much better than the demon and “No!” ones. The interpreter also expresses that when you see the number 444, it is the “universe reminding you who you are.” The site continues to say that the number means creativity, awareness and wisdom. Goes to show, if you keep searching enough, you will find an answer that speaks to you.

Before doing all this research, I had I decided that I would take 444 as a sign from the universe (read “God & his angels) telling me to slow down, take a moment, see what’s going on with me physically, emotionally, spiritually. So when I see 444, I try to take a deep yoga breath and notice what is happening at that moment. This practice helps me slow down and be more mindful of that moment. I am not telling you to start obsessing over numbers to live a more mindful life. I’m suggesting that you find a way to make it a ritual to take a moment when the universe knocks on your door. Maybe it is when you hear a certain word, or see a blue jay or go through three green lights. Set your intention that when you experience whatever it is you choose, that you will stop and listen to your intuition…your gut feeling. What do you need? What do you need to do? Where do you need to go?

I'm Back....Sort Of

I don't really remember the last time I posted and right now I am too lazy to look. Does it really matter? I'm back, aren't I? I picked up the proverbial pen and began writing again regardless of how half-assed it really feels.

This year has sucked. I've had several illnesses and ailments. My dog died. My sister-in-law was diagnosed with skin cancer. And my Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. These are just the highlights not in any certain order. There is actually more between the lines and creases of my days.

I normally hate to complain. I usually try to focus on my gratitude and my blessings. When problems arise, I am more of the proactive, take it head on, type. But as I lie here in bed with my second bought of mono for the year, I feel defeated: physically, emotionally, spiritually. Sure I've been praying. I've tried to exercise when I haven't been injured or sick. I eat my veggies and drink my soy. But right now it all seems in vain.

My husband posed a question the other day watching college football. One of the guys made an amazing play and in the midst of his celebration, he pointed to the sky and clasped his hands as if in prayer. Jonas asked: "So, why do they thank God when they make a good play but they say nothing of Him when they fail or lose?" I couldn't answer him without sounding cynical or heretical. Most people ask "Where is God" during the bad times...me included. I've been taught that God doesn't cause bad things to happen: He allows free will and the free course of consequences in the world. IF something bad does happen, God is there with you every step. I'm just feeling a little lonely right now.

Then today I visited with Mom on my Windows Messenger video chat. There she was with her shiny bald head, looking strangely beautiful and serene. She has amazed me beyond comprehension with her unfailing devotion to her Faith through this journey called "Cancer." Sure, she has cried and she has asked "why?" Who wouldn't? But in contrast to those failing football players (and a good portion of the human population),she doesn't question God; she clings to him as a small child to its mother. She doesn't blame God; she welcomes the wisdom to come from her experience. She doesn't wallow in her loneliness; she cuddles in His constant embrace in her life. Mom doesn't look for the reason but knows that reason will present itself in due time and to her, it will be worth it all to help just one other person.

Little does she know, but my bald headed Momma with cancer is the one giving me the strength to make it through the rest this awful year has to offer. Her steadfast faith gives me hope that maybe God does hear me during my middle of the night pleas. Because of her, I can put one foot in front of the other with my slow steady progress towards accepting what is now will eventually pass and allowing myself to let a "reason" become enough.