Spread the Love

Valentine's Day has never been a big favorite of mine. Really. Sure, I love to be told how loved I am and I am not one to turn away a bouquet of flowers or chocolate of any kind. Of course, now that I am married, I do like the funny greeting cards Jonas gives me and have come to expect them in the morning along with breakfast in bed. This year brought a hilarious cave-man themed version along with my favorite muffin. Regardless of the niceties I enjoy on February 14, it never really made sense to me why people choose one day in which to show their feelings when there are 364 other perfectly good days.

The basic history of Valentine's Day is simple. It began a few hundred years ago in celebration of a couple of martyrs named "Valentine." As the English courts flourished and "courtly love" came into fashion with Chaucer in the late 1300's, the expression of love in written form became more and more popular. In the United States, the first mass-produced cards were produced and sold shortly after 1847 by Esther Howland of Worcester, MA. Esther, the entrepreneur she was, took her inspiration from an English valentine greeting she had received and created her own out of embossed paper and lace. So we can thank the English for today's modern Valentine's Day celebration. Since then, Valentine's Day, like so many of our other holidays, has become mass-produced and mass-marketed to make businesses masses of money.

Remember elementary school when you had to bring in a Valentine for everyone in your class...even for the kid that wiped boogers on you or the one that ate paste in the corner? It was a good lesson in the Golden Rule. My kids still have this practice at school. Truth be told, they love it...more for the candy that is attached to the greetings than anything else. When Dakota was in first grade and Audrey in PK, we started making collages for our Valentine's. The kids have fun doing it and it is more economical. They each use a picture of themselves from the past year and create a greeting with drawings and stickers. I then scan and print the collages and these become their cards. This year, they taped heart-shaped peppermint patties to them for a minty message.

My 40th year is bringing a lot of time for reflecting. This February, while making these collages with the kids, I was trying to recall any memorable Valentine's Day. I wanted to give the day some significant meaning and purpose. I remember two: one with Dad and one with Jonas.

When I was little, Dad always gave me a Valentine card and present. No matter what. He actually continued this practice until I got married. Hey, Dad, why did you stop? The one I remember most was a yellow umbrella. There was really nothing that special about the umbrella other than it was mine and it was yellow...oh, and Dad gave it to me for Valentine's Day. I loved that umbrella and actually kept and used it from elementary school through college and into my first job. There is actually a picture of me in college with my friend Cindy walking in the rain under my yellow umbrella. It made it in our local newspaper. Every time I used that umbrella, I thought of Dad and how much he loves me.

It was February 14, 1995. I woke up and found some flowers that Jonas hid in my house the day before. We decided to get dressed up and go to our favorite Italian restaurant. There is a picture of us before we left I have hanging in our home: we are both young, thin and happy (not necessarily in that order). The most important memory I have of that night was looking at Jonas across the table and knowing that I was going to marry him. I'd never really felt that before and it was weird because we had only been "officially" dating since December. But when I looked in his eyes and laughed with him, I felt like I was home. A month later, we were engaged and then were married by December 30, 1995. When I look at the picture, it brings me back to the genesis of our love and reminds me of why we are still chugging along today.

Neither of these experiences really has anything to do with Valentine's Day. Sure, the events happened on February 14 of some year, but it could have and would have been any other day. Dad still would have loved me and probably would have given me my beloved yellow umbrella. Jonas still would have made my heart skip a beat whether it was over spaghetti or our favorite chicken burrito. My point is that Valentine's Day is only as magical as you make it, but why wait? Why not make any ordinary day just as special? It takes two seconds to say "I Love You." (yes, I've timed myself). It takes 5 maybe 10 minutes to write a note of affection or encouragement. One second to say "Thank You." A minimum of 2 seconds to hug someone, although I prefer about a 30 second squeeze. One day has 86400 seconds. Why not use few of those seconds every day to hug, thank and spread the love?

In Search of True Gratitude

Ever noticed how easy it is to be thankful for something you really want or you truly like? People are more inclined to pour on the gratitude when you give them something from their wish list or when everything goes exactly as planned. How many times do you hear people who win something say, "Thank you, Jesus!" and then turn and curse God's will when it isn't quite right? "Why? Why? Why?" they ask over and over. For me, it is much easier to praise the goodness of dark chocolate than, let's say, cooked cabbage.

I've been to a couple of workshops on gratitude. The whole premise of both workshops was to find gratitude in everyday things. The big idea is that if you are a gracious person; you are a happy person. At one point, I even followed Oprah's suggestion and wrote down in a daily journal all things I am thankful for that moment. I look back and things range from U2 to my husband to rainy days...all things that bring me some sort of pleasure. One workshop leader suggested for us to try to find gratitude in the mundane. His primary example was sidewalks. "Imagine," he said (I am paraphrasing...don't have that great of memory), "our world without sidewalks? Your feet would be muddy and it wouldn't be that easy to walk around the neighborhoods. Isn't your life so much easier with sidewalks?" Well, what do you know, it IS much better!

Lately I've been pondering the actual power of feeling gracious. How the simple task of truly appreciating something for what it is can raise your attitude, mood and whole state of mind to a higher place of being. This week I decided to do a little project to take my graciousness a step further: finding gratitude in things that I really, really hate. Yes, hate is a strong word, but I wanted to challenge myself because it is easy to find the good in things you kind of don't like; that's why you only kind of don't like them. Here is my list from this week of four things I hate but am grateful for:

Getting My Teeth Cleaned: Now, this sounds like a pretty inane thing to hate. You just lay in the chair and someone polishes up your pearly whites. But, I cannot stand getting my teeth cleaned. I hate the scrapping and the sucking and the dripping. I hate the grinding and the blowing and the flossing. I really hate it when the hygienist slips and jabs her instrument into my gum. Ow! Ugh, just thinking about it send chills down my spine. So, while I was laying there, I tried to find my gratitude and an image came to mind of all those characters in period themed movies. You know, the ones with people in big clothes and big hair who lived in the 1500s? Well, in the movies they always show the rich people having these perfectly straight white teeth and then the poor have the black, gunked up mouths with half the teeth missing. In reality. at that time most everyone had gunked up teeth as well as missing ones because there was very poor dental hygiene. There was only so much cleaning they could do with a stick and when they got a cavity, they pulled the tooth out. In fact, Queen Elizabeth (1533-1603), although being the most powerful person in England, was known to have had black teeth and she was missing so many teeth by the end of her life that it was difficult for her courtiers to understand what she said. Toothbrushes and dental hygiene as we know it today didn't come into play until the early 1900's. And you know what, I am grateful that I live in a time where we have such amazing dental care. I have all my teeth, although I do have to get a crown on one due to an old filling (at least it isn't getting pulled!), and I will more than likely have all of them when I'm old and gray. So scrape and grind away all you want! I won't complain. I'll check 'em out in the mirror afterwards and say thank you, thank you, thank you. I'll just take a few Alieve next time before I go.

My Stomach: Ask any woman and there is something about her body that she doesn't like. I get this. I actually have a few things about my body that I don't particularly like but I can be thankful for: my thighs are big, but they've carried me this far; my butt is voluptuous but it's strong and a good place to give a piggy back ride: my breasts aren't very big, but they are a soft landing for a crying child while I hold them. My stomach, well, it really annoys me. I hate that I didn't get the flat tummy gene. Now, I've never really had a super flat stomach, even at my thinnest. It has always had a little curve to it that I liked well enough. But now, after two kids, its not so much a curve as a bulge and on top of it, it is all wrinkly. The doctors I've seen simply tell me it is all a part of having babies. Really? I have these two gorgeous sisters-in-laws who have both had two kids and their stomach are smooth and probably even flatter than before they gave birth. "It is called good genes," they retort. In the summer, my little green jealously monster growls every time I see them in their bathing suits (at least I can admit it). GRRRRR! So this morning, after my shower, I was looking at my stomach, trying, trying, trying to be gracious. With my hands pressed against my flesh, I could remember how thrilled I was the first time I felt my babies kick. Dakota, my first born, was a fighter. Jonas called him "the bully in the belly" because he moved around so much. Audrey was more of a little tap dancer. Her gentle taps and tickles made me laugh more than groan. All of it was awe inspiring because I knew they were really there, really growing, really being inside me. Both times after giving birth, I missed having them with me all the time, but I found it fascinating to watch them wriggle around on the bed and having the ah-hah moment of: "so that's what you were doing in there!" Can I really hate what my body has become because of my children? I wanted them dearly and cherished every moment they were with me. So my marks, wrinkles and pooches are now my emblems of honor; evidence of life's miracle. Without my glorious children; I wouldn't have them. But, don't expect to see me in a bikini any time soon! I'm not feeling that gracious.

Doing Laundry: OK, so this is truly a drudgery for me...it makes my weekly grindstone a little harder to push. I still cannot believe that I know people who actually love doing laundry. They love the challenge of getting out the most stubborn stains. They drool when there are condiments on the table, not for the taste but for the fight they'll have later with their stain sticks. They love the smell and feel of fresh-out-of-the-dryer clothes. They actually fold their clothes right when they come out of the dryer instead of leaving them in a laundry basket for a couple of days. Me, well, I really hate doing laundry. It seems like such a thankless job; once you think you are finished, you go into the bedrooms and find more! In reality, you are never truly done with laundry; there is always something (hello, you're wearing it) that could use a washing. Given that this task isn't going away and no one else around here will do it all, I decided to add it to my graciousness challenge. There is the basic, yet very important, awareness that I am simply thankful that I have clothes to wash. In this country alone, there are over 800,000 homeless people each week. The majority of these people only have the clothes on their backs, perhaps a change in their bag--not to mention that not only do they not have a home, or clothes, but they also don't have a washing machine to keep the clothes they do have clean. Speaking of those washing machines...My great grandmothers and those before them had to do laundry by hand...boiling in big pots and scrubbing on a washboard. At least I have one. Thank God (did I just say that?) Yes, thank God I have clothes and a home and a washing machine. I am so thankful that I have laundry because it means that I am safe, secure and sheltered along with my family. I will never look at another dirty towel the same again.

My Kids Living Room Forts: Part of having kids is having a mess. In my perfect imaginary world, my kids would take one thing out at a time and put it away before they take out another. I know, I know. They do this at school! I am just too lazy to make them do it at home all the time plus I don't have a principal here. Maybe I should hire one? I could make an office out of an extra room in the basement. Hmmm? Living on the East Coast in the winter time, leaves not much to do outside and a lot of energy couped up inside. My kids have taken the idea of mess to a whole new level. On the weekends, my kids love to build a fort. This fort isn't just in the living room; this fort IS the living room. They take every possible pillow, cushion & blanket they can find and construct a new structure each time. When I walk in, my initial reaction is always a few breaths that verge on hyperventilation. I see the signs they have made for the "kitty hotel" and the tunnels they have made toward the "warming room." They have areas that are specifically created for watching television and others for playing games and even more for their stuffed animal friends. I look at all the stuff all over the place and instead of yelling at them to "clean up this mess now", I crawl through it and marvel at their creativity. This is something that no Wii game or Nintendo could offer. I listen as they tell me their plans for next time and how much our animals love to sneak around and sleep in their little spaces. On top of all this, I realize that they did it all together. They actually spent a half hour or so, working in conjunction with each other and not fighting. These messy, all encompassing forts offer them an opportunity to bond and to create childhood memories they will cherish forever. If you see my brother, ask him if he remembers our fort behind the big pecan tree in Sherman, TX.

I'm asking myself to try to continue this trend: to look beyond the face value of an experience or a person or an item to find what makes me grateful. I'm not dilligent about keeping a daily journal and I'm not certain that every time graciousness will be the first feeling that comes to mind when facing the unlovable. So for now, all I can say for my new gr-attitude is "Thank You, Jesus!"

Four Lessons I've Learned from My Children

I Am What I Am: You'd think I would learn this lesson from the hundreds of episodes of Popeye the Sailor Man I watched as a kid, but the "I Yam What I Yam" song didn't quite sink in until it was one of those days when Dakota and Audrey just couldn't get a long. She would whine, he would growl and then it would all end up in stomping feet, streaming tears and slamming doors. In exasperation and desperation to find meaning to the madness, I grabbed Dakota by the arm and said, "I just don't get it. Why do y'all have to fight non-stop?" He looked at me in a blaze of confusion and replied: "Mom, we're brother and sister. Duh!" Duh, is right. He's the big brother and she's the little sister and big brothers and little sisters fight. A lot. I know this because I am a little sister of a big brother. I have Top Honors in sibling rivalry. They fight. Sometimes for no reason. Sometimes just to pass the time. Sometimes because she got a bigger piece than he did. Regardless of the reason, the fact remains that Dakota is who he is and Audrey is who she is. And, you know what, I am what I am, and I what I am is a mother who wants peace and quite! So, the majority of the time, I no longer get in the middle and play referee or talk about feelings like a therapist; I let them work it out in all their glory by themselves in their own time. So far we've only had a couple of scratches and a bruised arm...that I know about.

It Is What It Is: My mother always taught me that I had a guardian angel or two watching after me. If I was afraid in my room (thanks to my brother), had a nightmare (thanks to my brother) or nervous about being someplace alone (thanks to my brother) my Mom would always tell me that God's angels were watching over me. Now, as an adult, sometimes I smell my great-grandmother's Chantilly Lace perfume or my great-grandfather's Juicy Fruit Gum and I know they are right there at my elbow. The other day, we were having dinner and Audrey said, "Oooo, what's that smell? It smells good." The rest of us couldn't smell anything and we couldn't figure out what it was after sniffing all around like a pack of bloodhounds. "Well, Audie," I said, "maybe it was your Guardian Angel. " I continued and explained to her as my mother did to me. "Can Garden Fairies talk to you?" Garden Fairies?? I explained again that the term is "GUARDIAN ANGEL" pronouncing each syllable while she watched my lips. The evening continued and it was time for her to go up and get ready for bed, which is usually a pretty fearful time for her. She started up the steps and turned around, "Mom, I'm OK tonight. I have my Garden Fairy with me." Garden Fairy it is. As Juliet said of her beloved Romeo: "...that which we call a rose//By any other name would smell as sweet".

If It No Fitta; Qutta In September 2005, Audrey was three and she wanted to try to play soccer like her brother. I signed her up, got her a #3 pink soccer ball and her tiny shoes and shin guards. We went to the first practice and she sat through the first half and then decided to run around during the second half. She laughed a couple of times. The next practice was a bit of the same; pretty tame with eight little kids trying to maneuver several out-of-control soccer balls. Then we had a game: she sat on the bench and cried. Then we had a practice: she hysterically cried and wouldn't get in the car with her coach. Then we had the second game and she sat there with arms folded and tears streaming down her face. Dakota was all decked out for his game so he went over to give her a pep talk, to absolutely no avail. Finally I knelt down to speak to her and in her sobbing, speech delayed way, she said "Momma, socca... no... fitta me." She didn't go back to soccer. Like a too small scratchy wool sweater, it didn't fit her. I didn't see it as teaching her to be a quitter; I saw it as allowing her to make her own independent life decision. She had (and still does) so many things she had to do and had to follow. Soccer didn't HAVE to be one of them. Her brave decision taught me that it is OK to say things "no fitta me". This mantra became very important to me in 2008: My Year of Saying No. It was time for me to lift some unnecessary burden off my broken shoulders and give myself a break. With Audrey's example and my utter exhaustion from doing everything everyone asked of me, I finally decided it was OK for me to say "No." No to hours of volunteering. No to committees and counsels. No to trying to have a perfectly neat home. No to pretending that I felt great every day. No to feeling guilty about occasionally feeding my kids nutritiously lacking dinners of buttered noodles or frozen waffles. So now when my head is inches from going under, I take a breath and think: "No fitta: I quitta."

Show Me the Love It is an amazing turn of events when your own child can actually express love back to you. After endless moments of rocking, singing, snuggling, nuzzling and saying "I love you," to have that reciprocated made up for all the endless poop, pee, crying, throw up and sleepless nights. When Dakota was about 2 1/2 years old, he got his big boy bed. Audrey was on the way and I didn't want him busting his head open hurdling over the side of his crib. At night, when I put him to bed, he would hold out his little arms and say: "Smuggle wit me, Momma." So I would snuggle in, we would listen to classical music and tell each other how much we loved each other. Now, at 9 1/2 (I can't forget the 1/2 or he gets mad at me) our "smuggling" isn't as often but the love is all there. He rarely leaves the room without hugging and kissing me. He tells me he loves me "so much" several times a day. And just the other day, in a random two seconds of love, he hugged me and declared me "the best Mommy in the world." I have to tell you, I was having a really difficult day and that short interaction dissipated all my ill feelings. Now, I know I am not the only mother to receive such accolades, but, believe me, I will take it. I realized that all it takes is 2 seconds to make someone feel good. All it takes is 2 seconds to say "thank you," "I really appreciate you," "have a great day," "I love you," or any other phrase to soothe the daily grind. You know about the "trickle down theory" in economics; well I call this Dakota's "Smuggle Down Theory." Give one person a "smuggle", a word of kindness or love, and you will set in motion an unstoppable force of good will that will multiply and spread way beyond your intention.

Whatever Happened To....???

I found that after graduating from college, I lost contact with so many people. I guess there was no other reason than it was just life. I started my first "real" job. I was learning about paying for rent, insurance, and toilet paper. I had my close knit "peeps" around me. It was in 1991, so I wasn't really into the World Wide Web then or email. I still communicated via telephone, for which I would have to pay long distance charges. I remember staying up past 11:00 p.m. to make calls because the rates dropped dramatically then. If I had the time, I practiced the ancient art of letter writing by putting pen to paper and stamp to envelope.

I often wondered, and still do, what happened to various people. Those friends who drift in and out of your life. Some are fair weather friends who stick around for good times and some are friends for that moment in time. Some are true friends you just let slip through your fingers and some are just people you knew but didn't really know. There was this one girl, Susie, who I was close friends with in high school but lost touch with in college. For six years I wondered what happened to her. I tried writing to the last address I had for her parents, but they had moved. I tried calling information in some places I thought she might live, but that didn't work. Then, one day, in 1993, I was getting on an elevator in my office building. The door opened. As usual I made eye contact with the other passenger to say "Hi" (this is the normal thing to do in Texas, if you are wondering). This time, it was a familiar face. "Hey, I know those eyes. I know that smile!" This time it was, can you believe it, Susie! I screamed; she screamed. We both started crying. People rushed in the hallway to make sure there wasn't a fire or an attacker. We tried to explain through tears and laughter what miracle had just happened. I couldn't believe I had done all that work all those years to try to find her and she was working in the same office building as I.

Then came GOOGLE: searching for people on the Internet was so much faster and more instant. One night, my girlfriends and I GOOGLED our old, old boyfriends. I'm talking Junior High and High School boyfriends and maybe a sprinkling or two of college and post-collegiate guys. We were at a Spa, drinking wine and it was midnight as we gathered around my laptop huddled on the bed. We took turns typing in names and telling stories. Some people we found and some we didn't but it was so much more about sharing with each other in the present rather than trying to connect with our pasts. I was able to find a few of people via GOOGLE. The people were usually listed on a work related website with an email listed, so contacting them was relatively easy. For others, I was able to locate an address or telephone number and contact them that way. If you haven't, you should GOOGLE yourself and see what comes up. It will probably surprise you.

My new favorite people searching website is Facebook, because you not only can find people but you are also able to keep up with them. It is definitely not a place for people who want to remain anonymous and lead a secret life. I had a friend who tried this with a phony name, birth date and location, but I still found her because it listed her email which was in my Yahoo account. Nice try, but you will have to open a separate account with a very obscure name to hide in Facebook.

I've enjoyed my time on Facebook so far because it has helped me answer the question "Whatever happened to....?" for so many more people than my previous search tactics. I have people from Junior High, even elementary contact me...not to mention high school and college. I hadn't realized how many people I lost contact with until I created my Facebook Account. In fact 98% of my Facebook Friends are people I used to know and who aren't recently a part of my present life. Facebook has also helped me heal some old scars and find closure on some random, old issues. As an adult, I've been able to say things (or write things) that my younger self never could have. I found out that the kid who used to sometimes spit on me in Junior High is now a very kind adult who doesn't even remember that. (Or he is lying about it). And the people I thought were so hot and so great are just as normal and regular as I am. OR maybe I was hot and great and just didn't know it. That is a possibility, maybe? It is fun during a downtime to scroll through people's updates and see what they are up to or what their thoughts are on current issues. Sometimes it can get as addicting as watching a soap opera!

I have found some special people via Facebook. There are four people in particular whom I have been searching for for years, like I did with Susie. I figure I only get one, maybe two, miracle greetings on an elevator in a life time. One day on Facebook in the "People You May Know" section, I saw my first friend's picture show up. I haven't seen him since Junior High, so his adult self was a gentle shadow of his 13 year old self. I read his name several times and squinted my eyes to try to see his thumbnail profile picture before clicking on it and sending him a message. I was SO glad to find him and now know what ever happened to him. He has a wife, kid and one on the way and is very happy. The other three friends I found in one jackpot day. One of the girls found me on the "People You May Know" section and sent me a message. Once that happened and we befriended each other, another long lost friend found me on that Facebook page. These two findings that day made me feel lucky, so I typed in my old friend's name (whom I have been trying to find for 15 years) as I had done several times before to no avail. This time it came up and I sent her a message. It was just like that elevator door opening and Susie giving me that long lost hug.

Home Body Birthday Parties

My ears are still ringing. Did you say something? Happy what?

I was at an 8th birthday party yesterday. It was at a local health club: the kids played dodge ball, they swam, they ate pizza and cake; they had an overall blast. My girlfriend (the mother) didn't have to set up or clean up, she only had to write a check for a couple hundred bucks and order the pizza, which is perfect for her because she has four boys....you are reading that right...1,2,3,4 boys!

There was a new family there. They had just moved to the East Coast from Scotland only a week earlier. At the end of the three hour shindig, she looked at me a little puzzled and asked: "Are all American birthday parties like this? In Scotland, we just have home parties." "Ahhh," I smiled, "You've met the right girl. I'm a die hard proponent for birthday parties at home, but of course, I don't have four boys and a husband who travels every week for work." Plus, to be honest with you, I get a real high from planning parties at home and setting everything up. It is the clean up that I'm not so fond of, but my husband and I do a trade off. I explained to the Scottish Mother that some people do bowling, skating, movies, or rock climbing, but that it is perfectly fine and acceptable to party at home.

When I was pregnant with my son Dakota, my ankles and legs swelling over my low cut black boots--a whole new meaning to "muffin top", I decided that my kids would have old fashioned parties at home. At least until I could get away with it without making them some sort of social outcasts. On Dakota's first birthday, I went C-R-A-Z-Y! It was a beach party theme---like he even KNEW what a beach party was, in fact, he would scream like a banshee whenever we tipped his toes in the ocean. The invitations were scrolls that I made and placed in little glass corked bottles filled with sand, small shells and trinkets. It took me two days during nap times to make and decorate his sand castle cake--the same one he screamed at and pushed away like I was trying to cut his head off. And I had a full meal for all the adults and children who came. After my husband peeled me off the floor where I had collapse from utter exhaustion, I vowed not to do THAT again. Not the home party, mind you. I am a home body, after all. Just the madness.

Dakota is turning 10 in May (I have Fort party planned with cardboard moving boxes...only, he doesn't know it yet), so I really only am certified up to birthday parties for 9 year olds AND I've had most parties outside. I have had one, no, two indoor parties and two garage parties on rainy days. Over the past 9 years, between Dakota and daughter, Audrey, I've come up with some great party ideas and a basic plan for the perfect home body birthday party.


Choosing a Date/Guests: The first few years, I would have a party at home on Dakota's birthday for family, take cupcakes into preschool and then have a separate home party on a weekend. By year 4, I decided to go against popular convention and make our family tradition be that we celebrate our birthdays on our actual "birth" days (whenever absolutely possible). Since then, some parties have fallen on the weekend but others fall during the week. During the week, I simply schedule the party for after school between 3:30-5:30 p.m. You'd be surprised how many people can still come and actually appreciate a free weekend!

As for guests, I would try to keep it as small as possible. I used to do the whole class but now I ask my children to only invite a few very close friends. The children will have more fun and so will you! Choose a number you are comfortable with having and help your child choose the invitees. Make sure you either email or mail the invitations instead of bringing them to school to keep feelings from being hurt. As for family, I pretty much make it known that if they are coming (the adults, of course) that they will be helping. I give each person some sort of job: trash duty, cake server, photographer, etc.

Choosing a Time: Like I said before, if it is during the week, I have it right after school, so that time is pretty much set. I discovered that if you have the party in the middle of the afternoon, after lunch, then you don't need to serve anything more than cake, ice cream and a drink. I normally plan my kids weekend parties in two hour increments between 1 pm - 4 pm. Two hours is plenty of time to party. You'll see below in my Party Schedule. Once the kids got a little older, I've let them choose a friend to stay the night.

I have one word for party games: Blech! One thing I don't do is plan party games. I have found that the kids entertain themselves just fine without adult intervention. I do make sure that there are plenty of activities or toys out: balls, balloons, bubbles and lots of bubble blowers like fly swatters and straws, sidewalk chalk, colors and paper, stickers, tattos, face paint and blocks. The age of the partiers determines what I offer. I haven't had one guest tell me they were bored and no one has asked when the games were going to start.

Party Schedule:

• 1:00 pm - 1:15 pm Guests Arrive and Kids Play
• 1:00 pm - 2:00 pm Kids Play
• 2:00 pm Eat Cake & Kids Play when they are finished
• 2:30 pm Open Presents
• 2:45 pm Play Until Parents Pick Up at 3

Choosing Food: Keep it simple. I actually advertise what we are having so people aren't expecting a full meal deal. On the invite, I will say something like, "Join Us for Cake & Ice Cream to Celebrate Audrey's Birthday....." The worst you can do with kids' parities is have too many choices because then all you will have is leftovers! Ugh, I hate leftovers. I usually have only a dessert that goes with the party's theme and a "special" drink (i.e. punch, soda, lemonade...it's the birthday child's choice) and then bottled water. That is it!

Choosing Party Decorations and Favors: Decorations are kept simple (read as "cheap") as well. Balloons. That's it. I get 2-3 dozen balloons and maybe a big ol' shiny number to represent the new age. The balloons are tied in big bunches around with the biggest bunch on the child's chair. If we are inside, I let the balloons roam freely except for the chair decor. For dining ware, invest in some fun mylar plates and reusuable colored forks, spoons and cups. These can be your special birthday party items, so use, wash and put away until the next party. As for the favors....these drive me crazy, too. I don't do the goody bags. I do; however, give guests one significant item that represents the party's theme or is a craft item they can make while they are at the party and then take home with them. The most favorite party gift so far has been playground balls. I got one for each guest at a local discount store and they got to choose their color when they arrived and put their name on it with a Sharpie. Man, did they have fun with all those balls!

Choosing a Theme: Now, this is the most fun for me to do. I love coming up with different ideas that reflect my child's interest at the moment. I have the dessert reflect the theme when I can, but when I can't, I buy their favorite cake (7 layer Chocolate Cake from Gregg's) and decorate the top myself with colored sugars and props such as a princess crown, soccer players or a party hat. Think outside the toy box...not just Spongebob or Spiderman. Think Gardening, A Green Party, Bubbles, Birds, Favorite Color, Faeries, Forts, Soccer, etc...anything that truly floats their boat (hey, another great theme!) Make sure to tell your guests to "dress for mess" or for "outdoor play" if there is a possibility of dirt, mud, water, paint, or any other staining fluids.

Choosing an Invitation: I am very creative (if I say so myself) and love the process of making my own invitations. Last year, I painted illustrations of my children acting out their party themes. Dakota was standing on top of a huge ice cream sundae with a cherry on his head for his, you guessed it, ice cream bar party and Audrey was riding on a bird in flight for her feathered friends celebration. (Her invite said: "A Little Bird Told Me that Audrey is Turning 6 and Dakota's quipped "I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream Dakota is 9!"). If you aren't into this, you can have your child make their own invites with paper and stickers from the scrapbooking section of your local craft store. You can even simplfy this process by having them make one and then color copying them for distribution. In a pinch, just get regular invites at a local stationary or discount store. You can also order invites on-line. Two of my favorite sites are http://www.partycat.com/ and http://www.plumparty.com/. I also like to use http://www.evite.com/ for on-line, environmentally friendly invitations.

A word about opening presents. I understand when parents choose not to open gifts at the party. It can be hectic and overwhelming for some children. For our family, it is important to set aside some time for the presents to be opened at the party. It has been my experience that a lot of times, the children pick out the present for their friends and they are excited about giving them. This is also a great time to practice social skills of giving and receiving, taking turns, showing gratitude and graciousness. I set up two chairs. The birthday child sits in one chair and then the gift giver sits in the other when his/her gift is being opened. Once they are able to read, the gift giver may read his/her card out loud if they wish. I take a picture of the friends together and this will be included in the thank you note.

Theme Ideas

Gardening/Earth Day Birthday: Have everyone wear green, brown or blue in celebration of Mother Earth! Provide each child with permanent markers and a clay pot to decorate and put their name on. Then place a big mound of potting soil in the middle and have plants available. Let kids plant their own plants that they will take home with them. If you have the space, have the children plant a tree in honor of the child's birthday. Decorate with pinecones they fill with peanut butter and roll in birdseed. Have a hose, soap, and towel and a environmentally friendly antibacterial cleaner available for afterwards cleanup. As for the dessert, serve "mud cake". Simply crush one box of chocolate stuffed cookies in a big Ziploc bag with a rolling pin. Set aside. Mix together 2 cups milk, 8 oz. Cool Whip, 8 oz, cream cheese, 2 small packages chocolate instant pudding mix and 1 stick of butter. Place filling in plastic flower pot and top with crushed . Decorate with gummy worms and plastic plants. Serve with a new clean garden trowel. Eat on earth friendly reusable plates.

Spa Day: Set up a massage station (I used the kitchen table) with glitter lotion, a manicure station, a pedicure station complete with warm foot bath, a hair station and a make up station. When the girls arrive, give them a white or pink terry beach cover up and flip flops (these are their party gifts...I got mine on line by GOOGLING for the best deals). You can also just say on the invite to come dressed for a spa day and give them a small package of lip gloss or nail polish. I had two polish colors (pink and purple) only for the nails. I had some blush, glitter gel and lip gloss (use Q-tips) for the make up. The hair choices were simple: pony tail, dog ears or a braid. Girls go from station to station for their spa treatments until every one is all bright and shiny! Older girls can do this themselves; enlist he help of other mothers for younger children. I served small cupcakes with pastel frosting and the drinks in tea cups.

Decorate Your Own Cupcakes: Party favors are child-sized aprons. Paint or write the children's names on the aprons. If they are older, have supplies at the party for them to do it themselves upon arrival. Stamps with permanent ink (available at craft stores) are an easy, simple way for kids to decorate their apron. Make sure to have newspaper down so the ink doesn't ruin your table. At cake time, set out plain cupcakes and all the fixings: different frostings, sprinkles, jimmies, jelly beans, M&Ms, Skittles, whatever your kid loves. Give each child a plate and a plastic knife and tell them to make their cupcake wish come true. Take a picture of each child with their creation before they eat it! Send kids home with pictures (hooray, Polaroid cameras) or send later with thank you note.

Favorite Color Party: When Dakota turned 5, we had a Goopy, Gloppy Green birthday party. We had the kids come dressed in green. We had green balloons, Gatorade, cups, plates, forks, and napkins. I made a tower of green sprinkled donuts and 5 green candles. We had green Frisbees, green balls, and big green silly glasses. I also made a huge batch of green "goop" for the kids to play with. What a hit! I had Ziploc bags for kids to take Goop home with them. Here is the recipe for Goop:1 cup room temperature water,1 cup white school glue, Food coloring,1 1/3 cups warm water, 4 tablespoons Borax laundry booster. Mix together room temperature water, glue, and food coloring in a medium bowl. Set aside. In another bowl, mix together warm water and Borax until completely dissolved. Next, slowly pour the glue mix into the second bowl with the Borax solution, but do not mix them together.Roll the glue mix around in the Borax solution (around 4 or 5 times). Then lift the glue mix out of the Borax solution. Knead for 2-3 minutes. Store the slime (the glue mix) in an airtight container or plastic Ziploc bag.

Super Duper Sundae: My son loves this theme so much that we have done this one twice! While the kids play, I set out a sundae buffet. Dakota picks out all the stuff for it. I have three kinds of ice cream, whipped cream, chocolate sauce, caramel sauce and then at least 10 different topping ranging from the usual sprinkles and chocolates to teddy grams and gum drops. Before they start scooping, I put candles in one of the ice cream containers and we sing. I let the kids scoop and make their own sundaes. Take pictures before they eat their creations! You can send kids home with an apron they decorate or have a tray of containers of ice cream sprinkles and ice cream scoops they can take home with them.

Fun Forts: Dakota LOVES to build tents and forts out of the couch and his bunk bed. I am planning a Build Your Own Fort for Dakota's 10th, although he knows nothing about it. I am thinking that I will purchase a large, refrigerator size box for each child. I will provide paints, markers, tape, scissors, and paints at the party. Each child will build their own fort out of the box. The kids can then link them together into a large fort to play with at the party. At the end, they can take their own creation home. The invites will be posted on corrugated cardboard and I will do some sort of cardboard decoration on the chocolate cake--unless of course, he wants the ice cream bar again.

Birds of a Feather: Audrey wanted a bird party. I made the invitation as described above. I had the children make bird food when they arrived out of pine cones rolled in peanut butter and then rolled in bird seed. The children then were given a string and hung their creations on our bird tree. Afterwards, I painted their faces with simples beak noses and feather eyes. The kids ended up running around the yard pretending to be birds and then jumping on the trampoline. For the craft, I had plain wood birdhouses that they were able to take home a decorate before hanging them in their favorite tree and filling them with seeds. If they wanted, they were able to decorate the houses at the party. For the cake, my mother-in-law took the invitation and had it copied onto the cake. It was beautiful.

Zoo Party: Next year, whn my daughter turns 8, my she wants a zoo party where all her guests dress up like their favorite animal. I will provide paper bags and trail mix condiments for children to make their own "pet food" mix. I will also serve their cake in small metal pet bowls that they can wash and take home afterwards. For the craft, I will get small canvas tote bags for them to decorate with a wide array of permanent markers. They are all really into pretend play, so I can just see them all acting out their animal theme. Can't wait for the howls, growls, hoots and hollers!

I could go on and on with ideas for parties but this blog has to end somewhere. Plus, I think it is time for me to go make dinner. If you are stuck for an idea for your child's next party, send me an email and I will be your "think tank." Until then, cheers and happy party planning!